Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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