I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
