Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
