party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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