Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
