Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
