we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
