What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
