my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
