It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
