There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
