She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
