the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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