it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
