It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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