you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
