i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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