So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
