I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
