well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
