I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
