Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
