you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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