I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
