my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
