I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
