he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
