you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
