I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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