The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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