Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize