now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
