So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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