normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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