I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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