i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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