You smell like a Billy Joel song
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
