the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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