I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
