if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
