dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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