with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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