why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
