thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
