We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
