No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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