I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
