there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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