He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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