Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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