How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
