you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
soo... how was my night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
